Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Acid is not a monday night drug
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
