The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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