Walk of Shame. In a state park.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
there is glitter all over my balls
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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