yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Drake has all the answers
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
did i just pee glitter
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
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