he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
