i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
she told me i tasted like america
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
