do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
