batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize