it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
