How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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