He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
