Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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