I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
my sisters under your porch take her home
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
