I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
