my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize