I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize