you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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