Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Randomize
