Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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