when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Sorry my hands just texted you
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
