Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
