I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
