It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
