Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Randomize
