Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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