found the other keg... it's in the tree
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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