That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
