So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize