he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Enjoy the penises
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
