these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
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