btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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