I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
pop tarts are not kleenex
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I want her autograph on my taint
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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