I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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