I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Randomize
