thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
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