I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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