Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
