so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
