She just used a chaser for red wine.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
