every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
