Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
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