Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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