if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Last time i carry you out of a forest
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Randomize
