just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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