I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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