god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
