the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
