not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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