Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I FOUND THE LEGS
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
