I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
