Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
