How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I can tuck mytits in my pants
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
