God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
