Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
