So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
