he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize