either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
