Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
