so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
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I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
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Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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