What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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