i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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