"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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